queerical:

srsblog4srsposts:

The whole “aroace people are basically het” argument is annoying on so many levels. And one of those levels (among many) is that it assumes aroace people would identify as straight/het if they didn’t know about asexuality and aromanticism.

Fact is, I’ve always known I wasn’t attracted to anyone (especially men, since that’s who society expects me to be attracted to). I’ve never experienced het attraction. I pretended I did for a while, but I always knew it was a lie.. Discovering the terms “asexual” and “aromantic” later in life just helped me put words to how I always knew I felt.

And honestly, if I didn’t know what asexuality and aromanticism were (and had to put a label on myself) I would probably identify as bisexual or pansexual because I feel the exact same level of attraction to people of any gender (zero, none)… and it’s impossible for me to distinguish my feelings for people on the basis of gender.

But i’m not bi or pan. And I won’t pretend to be. Nor am I het or gay. I am asexual. I am aromantic. I am aroace. There are words to describe my identity and I will continue to use them and be true to myself.

also, here’s the thing. i have been asexual and (mostly) aromantic my whole life. however, i did not know that asexuality and aromanticism were things a person could be until i was 19. up to that point, i identified as straight

i knew i wasn’t gay or bi so i figured i had to be straight (cuz there wasn’t anything else) so that’s what i was. i 100%, absolutely believed i was a heterosexual + heteroromantic straight person

here’s the kicker: thinking i was straight did not actually make me straight, it did not make me feel things actual straight people felt

i completely and fully, without a doubt, believed i was straight. but i wasn’t straight, i have never been straight, i just thought i was. i never felt broken, but i spent many years feeling isolated and disconnected from my peers. i was straight so i should be feeling the same things as them, but for some reason it didnt seem like it, and i didn’t understand. these people i was supposed to be able to connect with acted in ways that didn’t make any sense to me

i didn’t realize it at the time but it was lonely. i was lonely

i did not identify as straight because i felt as straight people do, because i was “basically straight” already. i identified as straight because, even subconsciously, i viewed straightness as the default, i didn’t think i could be anything else. i identified as straight because of heteronormativity

you (general you) are not making a compelling argument when you say aro/aces would identify as straight otherwise. heteronormativity is something that affects all queer people. there are gay, lesbian, bi and pan people who have all identified as straight at some point because of heterornomativity, and the same is just as true for asexuals and aromantics

thinking you are straight does not make you straight, this is not a case of mind over matter. thinking you are straight because of internalized phobia, denial, or simply not knowing you can be anything else is not the same as being straight

and it is insulting and harmful to insist otherwise